Dreams of Fire and Rain
by Zyrieen
Summary: DISCONTINUED The Gundam Wing pilots stay in Quatre's chateau after the war, but Heero is falling apart, unable to survive peace. Can they put him back together?
1. Quatre Feels

Warnings: guilt trip, shounen ai (343, 21)  
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, but I do own this plot. Someday I'd like to own a plot of land on the moon.

_thoughts_

The mist began to rise as soon as the mountains' bulk prevented the sun's rays from touching the river's surface. Glowing golden where the sun managed to find it, it grew until it filled the whole valley, rising halfway up the outer wall of the valley's chateau to the last of the daylight. And the light was crimson.

Heero mentally flinched as soon as he stepped out onto the wide communal balcony that overlooked the valley, but his face remained in its impassive mask, betraying none of his errant emotions. The last crimson rays of sunlight shining through the mist inevitably reminded him of a sea of fire, or blood. It made him remember why he avoided being outside at sunset - too many memories of the war, and the price of peace. There was no avoiding it tonight, however, as Quatre had decided that the five of them - he, Duo, Trowa, Quatre and Wufei - should have dinner together, outside, watching the sunset.  
_ Sometimes Quatre should leave well enough alone_, he thought as his eyes settled on the others waiting for him by the stone balustrade. Wufei, seemingly oblivious to both Duo's chatter and the valley at his back, saw him approaching and nodded an acknowledgement. Immediately Duo spun around and grinned at him, calling a welcome as he bounced over to drag Heero back to the group.  
"Hey Hee-chan! Almost thought you weren't gonna show. You're just in time for the sunset though!"  
_ Lucky me_, Heero thought as he positioned himself next to Wufei so he could ignore the seething mass of crimson that was the valley. _Just in time to see the blood flow again_. But he only grunted, bowing in deference to Quatre and nodding a greeting to Trowa, both of whom returned the silent greeting. Looked like Quatre had been picking up some of his silent lover's mannerisms; too bad Duo hadn't absorbed his partner's shortness of words - the braided baka was still chattering in the background, although no one seemed to be paying him any attention.  
A glint caught Heero's eye, and he turned slightly to see what it was. A fountain stood in one corner of the balcony, and the water spilling from the mouth of the statue of a child was catching the crimson light. He shuddered visibly as he turned quickly away, focussing his attention back on the group as he remember the little girl with the puppy who had died because of his mission. The innocent who never grew up and loved because of his careless mistake in allowing a mobile suit to crash into a civilian apartment block...  
Heero opened the eyes he hadn't realised he'd closed and met a pair of worried aquamarine orbs that flinched as soon as they locked onto his cobalt ones. Heero dropped his eyes and brought himself back under control before meeting Trowa's angry green eyes.  
"Sorry Quatre," he whispered, hoping Duo and Wufei hadn't noticed the exchange, bent as they were on one of their usual arguments. "I didn't mean for you to feel that."  
"I know," Quatre replied. "We'll talk later," he added with a hint of steel in his voice, and Heero inwardly winced, still avoiding Quatre's eyes. He knew Quatre would corner him if he didn't agree, so he nodded shortly.  
"After dinner," he murmured. "The library."  
The sun finished setting, the crimson light finally the mist and the fountain and Heero breathed an inward sigh of relief. The lamps at one end of the balcony were lit, highlighting the small round table set with five places. Quatre announced that dinner was about to be served and Heero, glad to escape Quatre's scrutiny, started walking towards the table. The others, following, didn't see Duo's eyes sharpen their focus, amethyst boring into Heero's back as if trying to convinve it to give up its secrets. But his back remained silent and stony, revealing nothing, just like him.

Dinner passed by in a cacophony of food and chatter, the effort to try and interact with the rest of the pilots wearing Heero out to the point where he simply stopped listening, instead staring at the water in his cup. He wondered how much blood it would take to turn the water red. He wondered how much water it would take to wash his hands clean of the blood of innocents. Probably more than existed. He sighed, watching the light play through the crystal glass, unaware that two pairs of eyes were watching him worriedly.  
The last course was served and Heero suppressed a sigh of relief that the tortuous event would soon be over. The five Gundam pilots had been close during the war, but now that it was over he struggled to find some way to relate to them, to interact. Some way to be human, if only he could remember what that way.The meal finished and Heero started to get up to go back to his room. The others stood too, and as Heero bowed them goodnight, Quatre caught his eyes and mouthed 'Library'. Heero nodded and left, walking slowly in the direction of the library as though treading on eggshells or broken glass, passed by Wufei striding swiftly towards his room. Duo and Quatre watched Heero's painfully slow journey until he was out of sight, then Duo turned to Quatre, eyes narrowed.  
"What did you feel?" Duo snapped, amethyst eyes blazing defiance. Quatre looked at him with tears welling up in his aquamarine orbs and Duo softened.  
"Please Quatre," he whispered, eyes sad. "What is hurting him so bad?"  
"Himself," Quatre squeezed out, fighting back the tears. "He hates himself."  
Duo rocked back on his heels, his eyes widening."No," he burst out, the denial torn from his throat. He swallowed, then continued, "why?"  
"I don't know," Quatre replied, voice unsteady. "He's been avoiding me since the war ended, I only met his eyes for a moment, he's so damned good at hiding his emotions..."  
The excuses tumbled from the tiny blonde's lips, falling into silence as the green-eyed Trowa hugged him from behind, silently giving comfort and support. In the two weeks since the end of the war, the two pilots had grown extremely close and were now acknowledged lovers, never far from each other.  
Duo was a very physical person, and secretly envied them their freedom to touch one another. It had taken him a long time to break through Heero's aversion to physical proximity enough to accept the occasional touch, let alone the casual intimacy pilots 03 and 04 shared.  
Duo sighed and stepped away, defeated. Quatre glanced up and amethyst caught aquamarine, caught and held.  
"Talk to him, Quatre," Duo murmured softly, brokenly. "Talk to him and make him sane. Make him see how much we miss him, how much we need him. How much it hurts me to see him like this."  
If Quatre noticed the slip, he gave no sign, and Duo walked slowly away. When he reached the doorway he shook his head, then sped up as he headed in the direction of his room. Quatre watched him go, still wrapped in Trowa's arms.  
"Do you think he knows yet?" Trowa whispered into Quatre's ear.  
"He's beginning to," Quatre replied quietly. "But unless or until Heero makes a move, he'll keep it to himself. He values the friendship too much."  
"That's a good thing, surely," Trowa stated, pulling back enough to let Quatre turn around comfortably in his arms.  
"I'm not so sure," Quatre murmured absently. He seemed to pull himself together abruptly. "I can't be sure until I talk to Heero...if he'll talk to me, and answer honestly."  
"Come on, little one," Trowa smiled, a rare expression on the usually impassive face. "Let's go face the Perfect Soldier."  
"Aiwa(1)," Quatre stated resolutely, and led the way into the chateau, striding towards the library and its shattered occupant.

(1) Aiwa means yes (vocalisation of Egyptian Arabic)

TBC


	2. Wufei Sees

Sorry, not much happens in this chapter. Again. But it's another side to the story you can put together yourself before the pilots can...  
Text in italics is thought.

* * *

Wufei stepped out of the chateau onto the wide balcony, his black ponytail slicing a piece out of the white jacket and pants that seemed to glow in the predawn darkness. His eyes, adjusted to the darkness by the walk from his room, scanned the area for a place to sit and look out of the valley as he meditated. Eventually he settled on the wide stone balustrade and lifted himself on top of it, removing his jacket as he gracefully lowered himself into a cross-legged position and draped it over the stonework beside him. He permitted himself one small sigh looked over the darkness spread before him, then closed his eyes as his awareness sank through the levels of his mind, much like a submarine diving for calmer waters during a storm. In his case, the storm was his concrn for Heero and his recent and sudden lack of intensity. During the war his drive and single-minded focus on bringing peace to the colonies and Earth had earned the proud Dragon's respect, but recently the Japanese boy had seemed lost and aimless, and it was worrying Wufei. Last night he han't even tried to interact before or during most of the meal, and the anxiety rolling off Duo and Quatre had been almost physical. It had been painful for him to be able to do nothing but watch the boy he respected fall apart, and so he had hurriedly left as soon as the meal was over, retreating to the sanctuary of his room. There he had practiced with his sword until he had fallen into an exhausted sleep on his bed, still early. Thus he had awoken early and, still troubled, had come out here to meditate and calm himself - and think of some kind of plan of action. He had heard Heero agree to a meeting with Quatre to discuss whatever it was the empath had felt from him, but what the outcome of that meeting had been - if anything - was unknown.  
Wufei sighed again as his thoughts roiled in the storm of emotion and once more set about the process of stilling his mind, this time succeeding in slipping beyond the reach of thought and emotion.

Time passed, and as Wufei rose out of the meditation he became aware of someone watching him.  
"Please," Wufei called calmly without opening his eyes, "come and join me, Heero."  
Wufei received a grunt in reply and opened his eyes, looking out over the mis-covered valley and the sun just peeking over the horizon as Heero approached and settled himself next to the Chinese boy. For a moment there was silence between the two boys as they watched the sun inch its way into view.  
"How did you know it was me?" Heero inquired tonelessly, seemingly uninterested in Wufei's response.  
_You mean apart from the fact that no one else would be up this early?_ Wufei thought silently, then replied with a shrug. "You didn't make any noise."  
Heero seemed to consider this for a moment, then grunted again. Fleetingly Wufei wished Duo were there to interpret Heero's particular version of communication, then dismissed the thought and turned to inspect Heero's face for a clue as to his meaning. What he saw shocked and worried him beyond what he'd felt last night, as the strengthening light exposed Heero's bloodshot eyes and the heavy bags under his cobalt orbs, testament to a severe lack of sleep. Worst of all was the hopeless expression on Heero's face as he acknowledged Wufei's horrified gaze. This was the emotionless Perfect Soldier they had followed at the end of the war? This was the soldier who had been unfazed by the annihilation of hordes of enemy mobile suits, who had faced death without a second thought in order to complete the mission? Wufei struggled to see the boy he had reespected in the broken child in front of him, and failed. Heero broke the silence as Wufei gaped in disbelief.  
"That bad?" Heero asked sadly. Wufei shut his mouth and nodded mutely.  
"Hn," Heero grunted, his eyes shifting to look out over the valley again. "I haven't looked in the mirror for a few days," he added as an afterthought.  
"Did Quatre -" Wufei began, then cut himself off as Heero's head whipped around to face him, eyes narrowed in a silent but accusing question.  
"If I've noticed," Wufei pointed out wryly, "Quatre will have, with his space heart. Duo doesn't miss much either." He waited, hoping he'd diverted the question without lying.  
"No," Heero murmured at last, face softening - in apology? "He doesn't." He looked at the river, erecting his defences again and avoiding Wufei's eyes. "I had an audience with Quatre and therefore Trowa last night. He didn't ask the right questions and I walked out."  
Wufei's expression fell. He had been hoping Quatre's diplomacy skills would get Heero to open up and talk, so they could help him past whatever was eating at him. It looked like that wouldn't work.  
"So what are the right questions?" Wufei inquired in an uncharacteristically gently tone. One side of Heero's mouth twitched sadly as he stepped down onto the balcony floor.  
"I don't know," Heero stated in his usual monotone, the moment of openness gone as he began to move away. "You'll need to find them. I can't."

Heero disappeared back into the just-stirring chateau as Wufei stared helplessly after him, resolving to talk to the other pilots - and soon. It was obvious that whatever was putting Heero under so much pressure couldn't be left to resolve itself, because Heero was very, very close to breaking for the last time.


End file.
